Excuse Me

Excuse Me

"Both novice and experienced workers will find a wealth of business etiquette in a book that, instead of excusing bad behavior, could help prevent it from happening in the first place." -Foreword Reviews, 5 Star Review In today's workplace, good manners matter more than ever. Blending different generations, genders, and cultures brings energy and fresh perspectives to the workplace. But the flip side is an environment ripe for confusion and social blunders. Mix in increasingly open-plan workplaces and constant connectivity, and the chance that we'll unintentionally annoy or offend others increases exponentially. Exactly what are the rules these days? Is it acceptable to text your boss at home? What is the polite way to ask a colleague to take a distracting conversation behind closed doors? What about the use of smartphones in meetings? Merging classic rules of behavior with new realities of modern business, Excuse Me spotlights dozens of puzzling situations, with suggestions for bridging divides. The book untangles the nuances of: Meeting etiquette * Interview expectations * Proper office attire * Electronic manners * Privacy in tight spaces * Eye contact and nonverbal cues * Small talk * Business dining * Social media use * Working remotely and flexibly * And more. While the youngest employees might seem unruly, the oldest can seem rigid. Good manners create an atmosphere of respect, and smooth the way for everyone to succeed.

Source: Amazon.com

Sample Pages

 Jane, an administrator at well-respected Bay Farm Hospital, had been looking forward to this year’s healthcare conference. Many of her colleagues will be there, and she’ll have a chance to network with peers from the world’s leading hospitals. The luncheon is an open-seating buffet, and Jane sees Phil, who she knows casually from her hospital, at a table with a free spot. She asks if she can join him and the four other men at the table. Phil nods, quickly introduces Jane, and then continues to regale the group with the very “blue” sexist joke he is telling.
  As Phil reaches the end of his joke, he inserts Jane’s name in the punch line. Phil, laughing loud and proud of how clever he is, at first does not realize no one is laughing with him. When he finally notices the embarrassed looks on the other men’s faces and the horror on Jane’s face, he tries in vain to salvage the situation. With a forced laugh, he announces to the table, “Way to ruin a punchline, Jane!”
  The foundation of civility is respect, which is the outward expression of esteem or deference. This is the foundational requirement and, without that, no other behaviors ring true. Respect extends to peoples’ privacy, physical space, property, viewpoints, philosophies, religion, gender, ethnicity, physical abilities, background, age, beliefs, and personality. Respect and disrespect can be shown by language, gestures, and actions.
  Respect is what employees say they want most from their employers and coworkers: respect for their experience, education, intelligence, skill, creativity, hard work, dedication, and the results they produce. Yet respect is what employees say they get least.
  Employees, management, and organizations at large are characterized by the behaviors they exhibit and allow. Disrespectful behavior runs the gamut from neglecting basic civilities and  outright rudeness to discrimination and bullying. Throughout managements’ ranks, disrespect manifests itself with favoritism, subtle pressure, condoning damaging behavior or speech, neglecting to follow up on complaints of harassment or bullying, and criticizing or firing employees who voice concerns. Organizations that engage in illegal or unethical activities, such as deceptive business practices, embezzlement, and predatory pricing, and the cultures such activities create, also contribute to this problem.
  It’s not enough to say an organization values respect and civility. The boss who preaches the importance of respectful listening without practicing it is better off saying nothing at all. Dr. Todd  Whitaker and Dr. Steve Gruenert, professors of educational leadership at Indiana State University and authors of the book School Culture Rewired, say, “The culture of any organization is shaped by the worst behavior the leader is willing to tolerate.”2 It stands to reason that a culture would also be shaped by the best behavior a leader is willing to model.
  An incredible 80 percent of employees believe they get no respect at work, and a whopping 95 percent report they have experienced or witnessed disrespect in the workplace,3 according to Christine Pearson and Christine Porath, authors of the book The Cost of Bad Behavior. Mike Miles, head of social strategy for online retailer SmartSign, said in his article “Work- place Bullying Costs Companies Billions, Wrecks Victims’ Health” that the price tag to the U.S. economy for all of this bad behavior is an estimated “360 billion annually due to turnover and decreased work productivity.”
  Disrespect also comes in subtle forms through microaggres- sion. Dr. Derald  Wing Sue, Ph.D., professor of counseling psychology at Columbia University, defines microaggressions as “the everyday verbal, nonverbal, and environmental slights, snubs, or insults, whether intentional or unintentional, which communicate hostile,  derogatory, or negative messages to target persons based solely upon their marginalized group membership.”5 Ref lecting unconscious bias, a microaggression can be a “compliment” to an African American colleag ue on how articulate he is or a remark to a female executive on how impressively she balances work and family responsibilities.
  Workplace disrespect affects employees’ morale, engagement, productivity, and health. It also negatively affects coworkers who witness it, causing  them  stress  and job insecurity. It becomes contagious, creating a greater likelihood of rudeness throughout the employee population. Disrespected employees are more  likely to leave jobs, increasing their companies’ severance and benefits pay, recruiting, hiring, and training costs, and potentially, legal fees. As Dr. Robert J. Cuomo, Ph.D., dean and professor of business at Dean College, said, “People don’t leave jobs. People leave people.” Disrespect ruins companies’ reputations, loses customers, and eats up managers’ valuable time.
  The benefits to companies that establish genuinely respectful cultures are enormous, including everything from  greater productivity and increased bottom lines to happy shareholders.
  The enhanced reputation of a respectful organization means it is able to hire and retain the best and brightest, resulting in a distinct competitive advantage. Teamwork, trust, and creative problem solving are also fostered, and employees realize greater job satisfaction, self-respect, and even enhanced earning potential.
  Employers must enforce a zero-tolerance policy in order to realize the benefits of a respectful culture. The law now protects victims of the most egregious forms of disrespectful behavior, but how much better it would be not to need to rely upon the law for enforcement. Management can educate employees on the company’s Code of Respect and invest in civility training to make sure all employees understand the policy.
  Employers need to look closely at their hiring practices. Carefully watching for behavioral clues during the interview process and not hiring candidates with red f lags is easier, faster, and less costly than dealing with them after they are hired. The candidate who casts blame on a former employer, exhibits disrespectful body language, or comes across as arrogant during the interview can be expected to display the same or worse behavior once hired. Employers can hire for “attitude over experience” as the Four Seasons does, or heed the call of Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, for civilit y and  values-based leadership. They can emulate the practices of Fortune’s “100 Best Companies to Work For” and view corporate culture as their greatest tool.
  Employees, on the other hand, need to know bosses mean what they say. Management should encourage the reporting of disrespectful behavior without fear of consequences. This can be achieved through anonymous 360-degree reviews or by identifying an HR representative or independent workplace consultant to whom employees can make confidential reports. And if disrespect is reported, management must confront it specifically and immediately and take appropriate action.
Companies  can  reward good behavior with positive reinforcement. At Zappos, employees who show exemplary behavior can earn “Zollars” (Zappos dollars) and peer-to-peer “Wow” awards from their coworkers. Anything from holding a door open, to smiling, volunteering, or cleaning a common area might qualify someone for a $50 reward. Regularly scheduled employee recognition luncheons, holiday parties, and summer outings that bring together various employee populations can do wonders to build trust. Bosses can also publicly recognize and value employees for their ideas and accomplishments and reward initiative and creativity.
  Most important, bosses must consistently model the behavior they want to see in their employees. Smart bosses recognize that treating employees with respect is critical to attracting and retaining workers. They also realize that what happens at work does not stay at work. Sites like glassdoor.com, which has a database of more than 8 million company reviews, enable job seekers to evaluate rankings of companies’ cultures and values before deciding whether or not to join their ranks. At such sites, salary and benefits reports, CEO rankings, interview questions, and insights into what it’s really like to work at a company are all at a job seeker’s fingertips.
  Employees also need  to do their part,  beginning with becoming aware of any unconscious biases they may harbor. Recently,  I had a personal experience with the concept of unconscious bias. While walking home through the Boston Common from the gym early one morning, I heard a voice say, “Hey, lady, you don’t have to be afraid.” Lost in thought, it took me a second to realize the person was talking to me. I stopped and walked toward two African American men sitting on a bench. I said I was not afraid and asked them why I would be. One man said, “When you saw us, you walked to the other side of the sidewalk.” I assured him I did not; he assured me I did. What ensued was a remarkable 15-minute conversation about the concept of unconscious bias. We exchanged names and parted as new friends, promising to pick up our conversation if our paths crossed again. In continuing to think about what happened, I know for sure I was unaware of any bias. But did I cross to the other side of the walkway? I simply do not know. This question, and its lesson, have stayed with me.
  Employees can embrace everyone’s uniqueness and extend simple common courtesies such as listening attentively and valuing others’ opinions. While not always easy, they can also challenge disrespect when they experience or witness it. When you witness what you think is disrespectful or exclusionary behavior, it is important to assess the situation to make sure you are reading it correctly. Once you are certain, it’s time to take action. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, you could try to diffuse it with humor by saying something like, “Don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel!” Such an approach might get an interaction back on a respectful track. If this does not work, you’ll need to be more direct. You could say, “Something seems to be bothering you. What is it?”
  To improve a relationship, you could say, “I want us to work well together. How can we do that?” If someone interrupts you, you could say, “Hold on . . . I’d like to make my point.” If someone displays aggressive body language, you could say, “You look upset. What’s wrong?” If someone uses inappropriate language, you could say, “Can we rein in this discussion? We’re at work.” If someone is spreading gossip, you could say, “I was surprised to hear you said (something) about me. Is that true?” And if someone is blatantly rude, you could say, “You may not realize how negative that sounds.” Sometimes none of these work, in which case it’s time to get management or HR involved.
  Once the personal and institutional groundwork for showing respect has been laid, we are ready to consider what respect means to the various populations of today’s workplace.

Respect for Experience

  Bill takes a deep breath and braces himself for today’s weekly staff meeting. Sixty-five years old, Bill is a workplace survivor. He has lasted 42 years with the same large bank and has had nine different bosses and seven different jobs in four different locations. He has assiduously played the political game, always keeping his head down. Bill has risen through the ranks to management and enjoys a comfortable salary.
  Bill knows the workplace has changed dramatically and has tried, as much as possible, to keep up. Despite his best efforts, he still cannot seem to connect with his much younger staff. At last week’s meeting, Bill rolled out a new marketing plan that Josh, the new hire, immediately questioned before offering a “much better idea.” Drew asked for feedback on a project but seemed put off by Bill’s constructive suggestions. Colin, three months on the job, asked Bill, again, when he would be promoted. Gina said she hadn’t prepared a report for the meeting because she doesn’t listen to voicemail or read email, and in the future, would Bill please text her.
  Bill has tried very hard to stay current. He’s taken Salesforce and database management training and mastered Excel. He’s up to speed on social media and active on LinkedIn. He knows he has a lot of experience to share, but somehow his staff treats him like a “has been,” as though he should just retire. But with a couple of kids still in college, that is not an option for Bill. So he squares his shoulders and enters the meeting room. He will continue to try and relate to his staff as well as he can—he has to.
  Millennials are the fastest growing, most sought-after demographic in the workplace. By 2020, there will be 86 million millennials in the workplace, representing 40 percent of the total working population.6  Should a new business etiquette playbook be designed exclusively with them in mind?
  The simple answer is no. Millennials, born roughly between 1981 and 2000, are still outnumbered by traditionalists, baby boomers, and Generation Xers combined. And these folks are still largely in charge. According to statisticbrain.com, the median age of an S&P 500 CEO is 55.7 Warren Buffet and J. Willard Marriott, Jr., are in their 80s and 90s, with countless lesser known CEOs in their 70s and 60s. The U.S. retirement age is also going up. A 2014 Gallup survey reports that the average age at which non-retired Americans expect to retire is 66,8 the highest age Gallup has found since first asking the question in 1991. What’s needed is a new playbook for respect that ack- nowledges the perspectives and values of all ages, not the least of whom are those still making the hiring decisions and signing the paychecks.
  The current four generations in the workplace come from distinctly different social, political, and business times  in history. Their perspectives evolved as they were exposed to people, places, and ideas, but were still largely informed by the prevailing social mores of their formative years. The great disruptor, digital technology, has only widened the gap. While opinions differ on their precise characteristics and birth years, the following represents generally held views of the generations.

Traditionalists

  Born before 1946, traditionalists joined a work world where women were primarily in support roles and social behavior was the template for business behavior. Men traditionally showed respect to women by doffing their hats, holding doors open, pulling out chairs, paying bills, and refraining from vulgar speech. The f lip side of the coin was a kind of Mad Men approach to women, job and wage discrimination, and bias along lines of race, religion, class, age, marital status, and sexual orientation. Traditionalists are respectful of seniority and rank and are loyal, disciplined, and self-sacrificing. Tech- nolog y for this cohort consisted of a radio, a rotary telephone, and a television.

Baby Boomers

  Born between 1946 and 1964, baby boomers came of age between the mid 60s and the early 80s. They witnessed or participated in the civil rights movement. The Equal Opportunity Act of 1972 was enacted when the first of the boomers were in their 20s. By
1986, when the last of the boomers had entered the workplace, more than half of college graduates were women taking their places beside men in traditionally male-dominated fields such as law, medicine, and business. Acceptable behavior on the job was changing dramatically. It was no longer considered appropriate to focus on gender rather than ability. Boomers, while less respectful of rank, still believe in corporate hierarchy and strive to climb the corporate ladder. Touch-tone telephones were one of the technological innovations of their time.

Generation X

Born between 1965 and 1980, Generation X entered the workplace in the mid 80s. The Civil Rights Act (1991) and the Americans with Disabilities Act (1990) were both enacted while they were in their 20s. Astronauts Sally Ride, a woman, and Guion Bluford, an African American man, broke ground by going to space during this time. Members of Gen X were the first to have two parents work outside of the home in great numbers. They also saw many of those parents lose their jobs. As a result, this generation does not have the same respect for job titles or rank, nor do they believe in job security. Known for being distrustful, self-reliant, and tech-savvy, Gen Xers are protective of family time and value work-life balance. They were the first to experience mobile technology.

Generation Y/Millennials

  Born between 1981 and 2000, Gen Y/millennials do not remember a time before mobile devices. Entrepreneurial and tech-savvy, they have fostered relationships with people all over the world through social media. Laws enacted as this generation grew up and came of age included the Family and Medical Leave Act in
1993, same-sex marriage in Massachusetts in 2004, and the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act in 2009. Millennials value diversity and social responsibility and are known for being especially close to their parents. They’d like to make more money, but seem less concerned about that than about making a difference.

Respecting Age Difference

The need and desire for respect, appreciation, and acceptance cut across generational divides. By taking the time to learn about other generations, we can begin to embrace rather than judge or discount others’ experiences and points of view and realize the vast personal and professional benefits that accrue to us in doing so. Younger generations can also keep in mind that if they’re lucky, one day they will be part of the older generation and that karma—good or bad—may await them!

Respect for Diversity

  Ginny didn’t sleep well last night. New to her job as an event planner, she is due to meet with her boss today and needs to steel herself to discuss  the evaluations from last week’s annual clients’ conference in New York.
  Ginny knew from the initial tepid response that attendance would be low. But she had not anticipated so many complaints from those who did attend about everything—the food, the venue, the transportation, the speakers—virtually the entire conference had been panned. She realizes in hindsight that if she had  put  a little  more  thought and research into  the conference, she would have saved herself a lot of trouble.
  She had been pleased to find a great rate, within her budget, at a fabulous hotel for the last week in March, but she completely failed to anticipate that Passover and Easter, coinciding this year, would affect turnout. She thought she’d covered her bases with food by offering two menu selections: a vegetarian and beef option. It had not occurred to her to request that vegan and kosher meals also be available. She had made sure that the entrance to the venue was accessible but did not think to see if there were some low cocktail tables or if the coach she’d hired was  accessible for people with disabilities. She thought the speakers she had invited represented an interesting mix of experience, but it had not occurred to her that they were all middle-aged white men.
  Ginny prepared for the likelihood that the meeting with her boss would be as much of a disaster as the conference had been. Now she was wondering if this first meeting would be her last.

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